Are you Resisting or Forcing Change?
The last couple of months have been turbulent for so many people. Things that have been lurking beneath the surface seem to have been stirred up. Jobs are being reassessed, relationships are being reviewed, decisions are in the air.
I’ve seen people quit jobs they’ve hated for years. I’ve seen stay-at-home moms seek work. I’ve seen relationships get brutally honest, resulting in either a breaking down or a building up.
It’s felt like a period of turmoil. And collapse. And confusion.
And yet also a period of excitement. Of opportunity and new beginnings.
I'm going through it all too. I've felt the sensitivity and turmoil every single day. Some days I’ve felt like an emotional wreck, feeling the intensity of things falling apart. And at other times, the very same circumstances have left me with goose bumps of anticipation. Within a single moment, a freakout has transformed into waves of excitement, hope and freshness.
The thing is, we want change. But we don’t really know how to go about it in a way that brings joy rather than fear.
We might not like where we are – the job, the house, the relationship, the anxiety. We might spend every day having angry, destructive or just downright depressing thoughts about any of these areas (or all!).
But the prospect of change can be too overwhelming.
So we stay where we are, too paralysed to move. At least this pain is something we’re familiar with.
Or maybe it’s the unknown part of change that has the biggest hold.
What if it doesn’t work out? What if I make a mistake? What if I don’t find another (job, home, relationship)? What if I regret it?
We seek certainty. We want to know for absolute sure that we’re doing the right thing. We want to know the outcome.
Or maybe the urge to change becomes so strong that we push forward, determined to find another way.
So we fight and force change.
Right now. It’s going to happen. And this is exactly how (because I know best, God).
We get hooked on a specific outcome. We get obsessive about a particular way of doing things.
In other words, we seek control.
By staying where we are, we feel we’re in control. It might not be what we want, but at least it’s a certainty.
By trying to predict an unpredictable outcome, we’re seeking assurance and control of the future.
By pushing forward, urgently trying to make things happen, we’re trying to control the outcome with force.
So here is the lesson.
Surrender. Let go. Make space.
When you let go of something that isn’t working for you, you create the space for something that is.
When you let go of knowing exactly how things are going to turn out, you relax into the ease and grace that comes with surrender.
When you let go of the need to force an outcome, you open up to the possibility of something even better coming your way.
This is my theme at the moment: letting go.
Let go of expectations, of attachments, of plans.
This doesn’t mean I don’t have goals and dreams. It doesn’t mean I don’t strategize and work on my business, or look ahead and plan accordingly.
What it does mean is that I stop forcing it. I stop fighting it. I stop attaching myself to a very specific outcome.